
GlassID5_2^_ 
Book JLM. 



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MABLE 



# 






JMJL 

LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 



BY 

EDWARD STREETER 

27th (N. Y.) DIVISION 



WITH 35 ILLUSTRATIONS IN BLACK-AND-WHITE BY 

G. WILLIAM BRECK 

("BUI Breck") 

27th (N. Y.) DIVISION 




NEW YORK 

FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 



Mable 



Frontispiece 



FACING 
PAGE 

"The only place there flat is on the map" , • 2 

"You can read em to your granchildren" • . 3 

"You walk a post but there aint no post" . , 4 

"I just found it in my bakin can" . . • 6 

"I dont like any sargeant" • 8 
"I dont care much for horses, they feels the same 

way about me" 9 

"Max Glucos what lives on the next cot" • • IO 

"Smith are you laffin at me?" . • • • II 

"One day its our teeth" 1 4 

"Remember me to your mother" • • • .16 
"Not the kind your father has" . . . .18 

"I wear them every night over my uniform" • 19 

"I been made an officer" . .... 20 
"Somebodied set a trunk on the turky" . • ,21 

"Built like the leg of a sailurs trowsers" . a 22 

"You paint a horse black and white stripes" . • 24 

"I spent mine doin Kitchen police" • 26 

"I wish that hired girl could come down" . „ 27 

"A croquette is a French society woman" . « 30 

"I sat next to a Colonels wife" 32 

"Men hate to be watched while they are freezm" c 34 

"I had a reputashun for a devil with the wimen" - 36 



VI 



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 



"It seemed to depres them awful" 

"If I catch one of those ailin enemies windin up 

your victrola" .... 
"Stuck my head out of the blankets" . 
"When I looked in the tin mirror I thought I was 

starvin" 

"They come round an watch you eat it" 

"Army food always runs" . 

"He smokes cigarets something awful" . 

"I poured some oil out of his lamp" . 

"I even got mud in my hair" 

"The water comes through on me" . 

"The last time I will take my pen in hand for you* 

"It wont be no use runin to the door" • 



FACING 
PAGE 

38 



40 
42 

44 
46 
48 
50 
52 
54 
55 
58 
60 






Dere Mable 

Love Letters of a Rookie 

Dere Mable: 

I guess you thought I was dead. Youll never 
know how near you was to right. We got the 
tents up at last, though, so I got a minit to rite. 
I guess they choose these camps by mail order. 
The only place there flat is on the map. Where 
our tents is would make a good place for a Rocky 
Mountin goat if he didnt break his neck. The 
first day the Captin came out an says "Pitch 
your tents here." Then he went to look for some- 
one quick before anyone could ask him how. I 
wish I was a Captin. I guess he thought we 
was Alpine Chasers. Eh, Mable? But you prob- 
ably dont know what those are. 

Honest, Mable, if Id put in the work I done 
last week on the Panamah Canal it would have 
been workin long before it was. Of course there 
was a lot of fellos there with me but it seemed like 
all they did was to stand round and hand me 
shovels when I wore em out. 



2 DERE MABLE 

The Captin appresheates me though. The 
other day he watched me work awhile and then 
he says "Smith." He calls me Smith now. We 
got very friendly since I been nice to him. I 
noticed none of the other fellos had much to say 
to him. I felt kind of sorry for him. Hes a 
human bein even if he is a Captin, Mable. So 
every time I saw him I used to stop him and talk 
to him. Democratic. Thats me all over, Mable. 
"Smith" he says "If they was all like you round 
here war would be hell, no joke." By which he 
meant that we would make it hot for the Boshes. 

I been feelin awful sorry for you, Mable. 
What with missin me and your fathers liver gone 
back on him again things must have been awful 
lonesome for you. It isnt as if you was a girl 
what had a lot of fellos hangin round all the time. 
Not that you couldnt have em, Mable, but you 
dont an theres no use makin no bones about it. 
If it hadnt been for me I guess things would have 
been pretty stupid though I dont begrudge you 
a sent. You know how I am with my money. I 
guess you ought to anyway. Eh, Mable? Never 
talk of money matters in connexun with a wo- 
-man. Thats me all over. 

Now I got started an found a fountin pen an 
the Y.M.C.A. givin away paper like it does 
Im goin to rite you regular. They say there 




" THE ONLY PLACE THERE FLAT IS ON THE MAP " 





YOU CAN READ EM TO YOUR GRANCHILDREN 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 3 

goin to charge three sents for a letter pretty soon. 
That aint goin to stop me though, Mable. There 
aint no power in heavin or earth, as the poets 
say, as can come between you and me, Mable. 
You mite send a few three sent stamps when you 
rite. That is if your fathers able to work yet. 
And willin, 1 should add. 

Of course it aint nothin to me but Id keep these 
letters what you get from me as a record of the 
war. Some day you can read em to your gran- 
children an s«y "Your Granfather Bill did all 
these things." Aint I the worst, Mable? Serious 
though I havnt found noone so far what has 
thought of doin this except the newspapers. I 
guess 111 get a lot of inside stuff that theyll never 
see So this may be the only one of its kind. 
But it v>esnt matter to me what you do with them, 
Mable. 

Later 111 tell you all about everything but I 
guess you wont understand much cause its teck- 
nickle. Lots of the fellos are gettin nitted things 
and candy and stuff right along. Dont pay no 
attenshun to that, though, or take it for a hint 
cause it aint. I just say it as a matter of rekord. 
Independent if nothin. Thats me all over. 
Yours till the war ends 

Bill 



Dere Mable: 

Having nothin better to do I take up my pen 
to rite. 

We have been here now three weeks. As far 
as I am concerned I am all ready to go. I told 
the Captin that I was ready any time. He said 
yes, but that wed have to wait for the slow ones 
cause they was all goin togethei. I says was I 
to go out to drill with the rest. He said yes 
more for the example than anything else. Its 
kind of maddening to be hangin round here when 
I might be over there helpin the Sammies put a 
stop to this thing. 

In the mean time I been doin guard duty. 
Seems like I been doin it every night but I know 
what there up against and I dont say nothin. 
Guard duty is something like extemperaneus 
speakin. You got to know everything your goin 
to say before you start. Its very tecknickle. For 
instance you walk a post but there aint no post. 
An you mount guard but you dont really mount 
nothin. An you turn out the guard but you dont 
really turn em out. They come out them selves, 
just the other night I was walkin along thinkin of 

4 




" YOU WALK A POST BUT THERE AINT NO POST M 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 5 

you Mable an my feet which was hurtin. It made 
me awful lonesome. An officer come up and he 
says why dont you draw your pistol when you here 
someone comin. An I says I dont wait till the 
sheep is stole I drew it this afternoon from the 
Supply sargent. An I showed it to him tucked in- 
side my shirt where noone could get it away from 
me without some tussel, you bet, Mable. But it 
seems that you got to keep on drawin it all the 
time. Then later I here footsteps. I was expectin 
the relief so I was right on the job. An a man 
come up and I poked my pistol right in his face an 
says Halt. Who goes there? And he says Offi- 
cer of the day. An bein disappointed as who 
wouldnt be I says Oh hell. I thought it was the 
relief. An he objected to that. The relief, Ma- 
ble — but whats the use you wouldnt understand it. 
Theres some mistake up north Mable about the 
way were built, Mable. Its kind of depresin to 
think that you could forget about us so quick. 
Everyones gettin sweters without sleeves and 
gloves without fingers. We still got everything 
we started with Mable. Why not sox without feet 
and pants without legs. If your makin these things 
for after the war I think your anticipatin a little. 
Besides its depresin for the fellos to be remind- 
ed all the time. Its like givin a fello a life mem- 
bership to the Old Soldiers home to cheer him up 



6 DERE MABLE 

when he sails. I was sayin the other day that if 
the fellos at Washington ever get onto this theyll 
be issuin soleles shoes and shirtles sieves. 

Its gettin awful cold. No wonder this is a 
healthy place. All the germs is froze. I guess 
there idea of the hardenin proces is to freeze a 
fello stiff. The Captin said the other day we was 
gettin in tents of trainin. Thats all right but Id 
kind of like to see those steam heated barraks. 
Youve red about those fellos that go swimmin in 
the ice in winter. I guess thed like our shouer 
baths. They say Cleanliness is next to Godliness, 
Mable. I say its next to impossible. 
■ I started this letter almost a weak ago. I just 
found it in my bakin can. They call it a bakin 
can but its too small to bake nothin. I keep my 
soap in it. I got some news for you. The regi- 
ment is to be dismantled. The Captin called me 
over this mornin and asked me where Id like to be 
transferred. I said home if it was the same to 
him. So there goin to send me to the artillery.^ 
This is a very dangerous and useful limb of the 
servus, Mable. I dont kno my address. Just write 
me care of the General. 

I gpt the red muffler that your mother sent me. 
Give her my love just the same 

yours relentlessly, 

Bill 




"I JtfST FOUND IT IN MY BAKIN CAN " 



Dere Mable: 

I havnt rote for some time I had such sore feet 
lately. When they broke up our regiment and 
sent me over to the artillery I thought I was goin 
to quit usin my feet. That was just another 
roomor. 

Thanks for the box of stuff you sent me. I 
guess the brakeman must have used it for a chair 
all the way. It was pretty well baled but that dont 
matter. And thanks for the fudge too. That 
was fudge wasnt it, Mable? And the sox. They 
dont fit but I can use them for somethin. A good 
soldier never throws nothin away. An thank your 
mother for the half pair of gloves she sent me. 
I put them away. Maybe sometime shell get a 
chance to nit the other half. Or if I ever get all 
my fingers shot off theyll come in very handy. 

The artillerys a little different from the infantry. 
They make us work harder. At least theres more 
work on the skedule. I know now what they mean 
when they say that the "artillerys active on the 
western front." 

They got a drill over here called the standin gun 
drill. The names misleadin. I guess it was in- 



8 DERE MABLE 

vented by a troop of Jap akrobats. They make 
you get up and sit on the gun. Before you can 
get settled comfortable they make you get down 
again. It looks like they didnt know just what 
they did want you to do. 

I dont like the sargent. I dont like any sar- 
gent but this one particular. The first day out 
he kept sayin "Prepare to mount" and then 
"Mount." Finally I went up to him and told him 
that as far as I was concerned he could cut that 
stuff for I was always prepared to do what I was 
told even though it was the middle of the night. 
He said, Fine, then I was probably prepared to 
scrub pans all day Sunday. 

I dont care much for horses. I think they 
feels the same way about me. Most of them are 
so big that the only thing there good for is the 
view of the camp you get when you climb up. 
They are what they call hors de combat in French. 
My horse died the other day. I guess it wasnt 
much effort for him. If it had been he wouldnt 
have done it. 

They got a book they call Drill Regulations 
Field and Light. Thats about as censible as it is 
all the way through. For instance they say that 
when the command for action is given one man 
jumps for the wheel and another springs for the 
trail an another leaps for the muzzle. I guess 



a. a. 




I DONT LIKE ANY SARGEANT 




1 X DONT CARE MUCH FOR HORSES, THEY FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 9 

the fellow that rote the regulations thought we 
was a bunch of grass hoppers. 

Well I got to quit now an rite a bunch of other 
girls. Thanks again for the box although it was 
so busted that it wasnt much good but that dont 
matter. 

Yours till you here otherwise, 

Bill. 



Dere Mable: 

Todays Thanksgivin. Im thankful things aint 
no worse though Max Glucos what lives on the 
next cot says they couldnt be. Cheery an bright 
to the last. Thats me all over, Mable. 

Every man gets ateen ounces of Turky on 
Thanksgivin. All to himself, Mable. The sar- 
gent says the commitee on Hays and Beans at 
Washington decides that. Mines inside. Im most 
to full for expreshun as the poets say. We had a 
great dinner. Soup an turky, dressin, crambury 
sause an pie an smashed potatoes. All in one 
plate. I wish you could have heard how the fellos 
enjoyed it Mable. I know now why they call the 
turkys gobblers. 

Thanksgivin is a holiday. All a fello has to do 
on a holiday in the artillery is to feed the horses 
an give em a drink an smooth em out an take 
em for a walk an then feed em an smooth em out 
an feed em an give em a drink. It makes a fello 
feel like givin back a dollar out of his pay at the 
end of the month. 

The horses has the softest of anyone, Mable. 
They dont even have to get up for breakfast in 

10 




" MAX GLUCOS WHAT LIVES ON THE NEXT COT 




"smith are you lapftn at me? 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE n 

the morning. We bring it to em in a little bag 
filled with cereul. You tie this on there face. I 
guess they aint never been fed before the war 
broke out. When they see you comin they start 
jumpin round like starvin sailurs. I dont guess 
they like cereul. I wouldnt ether three times a 
day. I thought theyd give em somethin different 
Thanksgivin but not a chance. There always 
hopin it uli be somethin else I guess. When they 
see the same old thing they get sore and try to 
step on your feet. 

The sargents stand way behind an say "Go on 
in. They w r ont hurt you." An then when they 
land on your corn they say "Thats to bad. You 
didnt do it right." I dont like sargents any better 
than horses. 

An I dont kno as Im going to like the Captin 
much better ether. The other day I got laffin 
while I was standin in line. Just laffin to myself. 
Not disturbin nobody. The Captin turns round 
an says "Smith are you laffin at me?" I says 
no sir an he says "Well what else was there to 
laff at?" Thats the kind of a fello he is. I didn't 
sass him back or nothin, Mable. Just looked at 
him an made him feel cheap. I saw him again in 
the afternoon. Course I didnt salute. He says 
"What do you mean by not salutin?" I told him 
I thought he was mad. Im glad Im not his wife, 



12 DERE MABLE 

Mable. You never know how to take a fello like 
that. 

If I hadnt knowed they needed me Id have given 
him two weaks notise on the spot. Duty before 
pleasure though. Thats me all over. 

We took the guns out to drill the other day. 
The Captin was talkin about indirect firin. Thats 
the way he is. Nothin straight forward about 
him. I asked the sargent about it. He said in- 
direct firin was where you shot at one thing an 
aimed at another. I hate to butt in Mable but it 
didnt seem right. I says I seen the Indien girl 
in the circus shoot the spots out of a card over 
her shoulder but wouldnt it be more censible to 
cut out the trick stuff till we was more used to the 
thing. You cant argue with sargents, though. 

Day after tomorrows inspecshun. They do it 
every Saturday. Thats another thing Im thankful 
for. Theres only one Saturday a weak. We pull 
everything out an pile it on our cots. Then the 
Captin an the sargent comes in. Every time its 
the same. He says "Thats very dirty Smith 
wheres your other shirt." An I say "I aint got 
none, sir." An he says "Sargent make a note of 
that." An then the sargent rites somethin in a 
little book. Next time just the same. The Cap- 
tin says wheres my shirt ah the sargent makes a 
note. I guess theres somethin in the drill regula- 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 13 

tions what makes him say that cause I aint got 
no other shirt yet. 

Well Mable Im gettin hungry again now. Guess 
111 have to stop an buy a couple of pies. We dont 
get nothin to eat for an hour yet. 

yours till the ice cracks in the pale, 

Bill. 
P. S. I had to borrow a stamp for this letter. 
I went down town yesterday an spent my last sent 
on a money belt. Its a good one though. 



Dere Mable: 

Rainin today. No drill so Im going to rite 
you. If I dont get no exercise I go all to pieces. 
Im back from the artillery into the infantry. Cap- 
tin an I had different ideas about runnin things. 
One of us had to leave. Hed been there longest. 
I left. Hot headed. Thats me all over. 

Were doin baynut drill now. I cant say nothin 
about it. Its not for wimens ears. We have one 
place where we hit the Hun in the nose an rip all 
the decorashuns offen his uniform all in one stroke. 
Then theres another where you give him a shave 
an a round hair cut an end by knocking his hat 
over his eyes. Then the wiperzup come over with 
a lot of bums an do the dirty work. I an the rest 
of the fellos go ahead an take another trench. 
I havnt been able to find out yet where we take it. 

Its all worked out cientifick. The fello who 
doped it out had some bean. The principul of the 
thing is to get the other fello an not let him get 
you. If the allys had doped out some skeme 
like this the war would have been over now. There 
wouldnt have been no Huns left. It takes us 
Uncle Sammies. Eh Mable? 

H 




ONE DAY ITS OXER TEETH ' 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 15 

There gettin up a thrift campain now Mable. 
First they sell us enough Liberty Bonds to buy 
a brand new army an let us go home. Then they 
cram a lot of insurence at you what wont never 
do you no good after your killed. Then I guess 
they found that someone still had a couple of dol- 
lars left so they made us send that back home. 
Now there gettin up a thrift campain Mable. They 
dont want us to spend our money foolish sos we 
can buy the Singer Buildin or a Ford or some- 
thin like that when the war is over. 

Some one say that we was the highest payed 
army in the world. Besides all this money we get 
our bed and board. I guess they dont know that in 
the army bed and board mean the same thing. 
Eh, Mable? Still the same old Bill. 

There always inspectin us. I feel like a piece of 
prize beef. They never inspect a man all the way 
through. I guess the inspecters get payed by the 
day durin the duration of the inspecshun. One 
day its our teeth an another our heart an another 
our lungs. The other day we was all lined up in 
the company street and the sargent says "Inspec- 
shun arms." I lays down my gun an rolls up my 
sieves. Just to show you how tecknickle the army 
is he didnt want to see my arms at all but my gun. 
Hows a fello goin to tell, Mable? 

I went up for thirds at breakfast the other 



16 DERE MABLE 

morning as usual an the cook said "You seem to 
like coffee." Right away without stoppin to think 
or nothin I says back u Yes thats the reason Im 
willin to drink so much hot water to get some." 
Eh, Mable? 

Went to a dance the other night and met some 
swell girls. I made em all laff. I says I guess I 
got the instinks of a soldier all right. The minit 
I smell powder Im right on my tows. 

I havent been very well lately. I guess 111 cut 
out eatin at meals. It spoils my appitite for the 
rest of the day. I kno youll be glad to kno 
my feet aint hurtin so much. Remember me to 
the hired girl and your mother. 

Yours through the winter, 

Bill. 



i 




1 IgMEMPEB ME TO YOUR MOTHER 



Chair Mable: 

Thats French. I didnt expect you to kno what 
it meant though. The Y.M.C.A. are learnin me 
French now. I only had three lessons so far but 
I can talk it pretty good. You know how quick 
I am at pickin up any kind of trick stuff like that. 
The only difference between French and English 
is that there pretty near alike but the French 
dont pronounce there words right. 

When I use French words 111 underline them. 
Thatll give you some idea of the languige. 

When we get voila as the French say for over 
there itll come handy to be able to sit down and 
have a dosy dos with them poilus. (That means 
chew the rag in English.) A poilus Mable is a 
French peasant girl an they say that they are very 
belle. (Now don't mispronounce things an get sore 
till you know. You pronounce that like the bell 
in push button. It means good lookers.) There 
crazy about us f ellos. They call us Sammies. They 
named one of there rivers for us. You have heard 
of the battle of the Samme. But I dont suppose 
you have. 

They have been learnin us a lot about gas at- 

17 



18 DERE MABLE 

tacks lately. These are not the kind your father 
has. These are more like the open places in the 
street on 6th avenoo. Only in the army when 
anything like this happens they give you a gas 
mask. A gas mask is like a cracked ice bag with 
windos in it. An in the front they got a cigaret 
holder. I always heard how the French was cig- 
aret feends. I guess it got so bad they put in the 
holders sos they could smoke during a gas attack. 

Im goin to put on my mask an have my pictur 
took en cabinet. Thats nothin to do with fur- 
niture, Mable. Its the French for what its goin 
to look like when its done. 

The gas fello said the other day that gas was 
perfectly safe cause you could always tell when 
it was comin. You could hear it escape or see 
it or smell it. The only trouble was, he said, 
that when the gas started the machine guns made 
so much noise you couldnt hear it an it always came 
at night sos you couldnt see it and when you 
smelled it it was most to late to bother anyhow. 
I been thinkin that over. Seems to me theres 
a joker in the contract somewhere. Ask your 
father to read it over an see if it sound droit 
(thats French for right) to him. Better still. Ask 
Higgins the grocer to give it the once over. Hes 
got a grand tete as the French say when they mean 
brains. 





a. a. 


/">\ 




Mi% ^ W 






&jr 







E NOT THE KIND YOUR FATHER HAS 




I WEAR THEM EVERY NIGHT OVER MY UNIFORM 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 19 

Its getting frappayer and frappayer down here 
(meaning colder and colder) . It got so cold that 
I put on those sox that you nitted me. I guess I 
wont any more though. I guess my feet are go- 
ing to look like corderoy the rest of my life. Youll 
understand no hard feelin I know. You know how 
delicate my feet is an how I cant afford to prennez 
a hazard with them. 

Thank your mother for the flannel pajammas. 
I wear them every night over my uniform. I 
got to quit now an read some pictur post cards 
that some girls sent me. 

Good night 
(or as the French say Robe de Nuit). 



Dere Mable: 

I havnt rote for some time because I been 
made an officer. — a corperal. I admit I deserved 
it I didnt apply for it or nothin though. They 
just come and told me. 

Bein corperal means I dont have nothin more 
to do with details. An at the same time I got 
more details than ever. Thats a sort of a joke 
that us military men understand. You couldnt 
get it probably Mable. Its tecknickle. 

Yesterday being Sunday me an a couple of other 
officers borrowed a couple of mules from the stable 
sargent an went for a ride. We saw a cabin that 
they said was a moonshiners hut but it was broad 
daylight so you couldnt tell of course. 

Its still cold. I wish thed hurry up and issue 
those gas masks. Theyd come in handy these cold 
nights. The sargent told me that I was goin to 
do interior guard tonight. I guess Im lucky to 
get indoor work this wether. 

You never saw such a place for roomors. These 
are army roomors. They havnt got nothin to do 
with the kind your mother used to take in. We 
here that were going next week an that were not 

20 




I BEEN MADE AN OFFICER 3 




SOMEBODIED SET A TRUNK ON THE TURKY 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 21 

goin at all but were goin to be used to guard the 
Chicago stock yards. Then we here that all the 
mounted men are goin to be dismounted an all the 
dismounted men are goin to be mounted. An that 
the rest of us are goin to be made cooks. An we 
here that all non corns are goin to be abolished. 
Its awful hard to tell what is goin on. 

I got your Thanksgivin box two days ago. It 
was only ten days late. I guess the post office 
must have made some mistake. Things is usually 
later than that. It was in good shape except that 
the insides had been squoze out of the mince pie 
and somebodied set a trunk on the turky. Of 
course I divided it up with my squad. Big hearted. 
Thats me all over. Im awful popular with my 
men. They often say they wish Id be made a 
Major or somethin. My men ate up all the 
stuff. All I saved for my self was the white meat 
an half a mince pie. It certainly tastes good in 
the field. Of course we aint in nobodies field. 
Thats a military expreshun. I cant explain it. 

I got to quit now an post a guard. At the same 
time 111 post this letter to you. Thats a joke f 
Mable. Im sorry this letter cant be longer but as 
a man rises in the army he gets less an less time 
to hisself. Olive oil. 

Yours faithlessly, 

Bill. 



Mon Cherry Mable: 

Thats the way the French begin there love let- 
ters. Its perfectly proper. I would have rote 
you sooner but me an my fountin pens been 
froze for a week. Washington will never know 
how lucky he was that he got assigned to valley 
Forge instead of here. It got us out of drill for 
a couple of days. Thats somethin. I guess Id 
rather freeze than drill. Its awful when they 
make you do both though. 

Two of my men has gone home on furlos. Me 
bein corperal I took all there blankets. The men 
didnt like it but I got a squad of men to look out 
for an my first duty is to keep fit. Duty first. 
Thats me all over. I got so many blankets now 
that I got to put a book mark in the place I get 
in at night or Id never find it again. 

We spent most of our time tryin to find some- 
thin to burn up in the Sibly stoves. A sibly stove, 
Mable, is a piece of stove pipe built like the leg 
of a sailurs trowsers. Old man Sibly must have 
had a fine mind to think it out all by hisself. They 
say he got a patent on it. I guess that must have 
been a slack winter in Washington. The govern- 

22 




BUILT LIKE THE LEG OF A SAILUIlS TROWSERS 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 23 

ment gives us our wood but I guess that the man 
who decided how much it was goin to give us 
had an office in the Sandwitch Islands. I says the 
other day that if theyd dip our allowance in fus- 
frus wed at least have matches, eh Mable? Im 
the same old Bill, Mable. Crackin jokes an keep- 
In everybody laffin when things is blackest. 

I was scoutin round for wood today an burned 
up those military hair brushes your mother gave 
me when we came away. I told her theyd come 
in mighty handy some day. 

They say a fello tried to take a shouer the other 
day. Before he could get out it froze round him. 
Like that felk in the bible who turned into a pillo 
of salt. They had to break the whole thing offen 
the pipe with him inside it an stand it in front 
of the stove. When it melted he finished his 
shouer an said he felt fine. Thats how hard were 
gettin, Mable. 

I bought a book on Minor Tackticks the other 
day. Thats not about underaged tacks that live 
on ticks as you might suppose, Mable. Its the 
cience of movin bodies of men from one place to 
another. I thought it might tell of some way of 
gettin the squad out of bed in the morning but it 
doesnt. All the important stuff like that is camoo- 
flaged sos the Germans wont get onto it. 

Camooflage is not a new kind of cheese Mable. 



24 DERE MABLE 

Its a military term. Camooflage is French for 
cauliflower which is a disguised cabbage. It is 
the same thing as puttin powder on your face in- 
stead of washin it. You deceive Germans with 
it. For instance you paint a horse black and 
white stripes an a German comes along. He thinks 
its a picket fence an goes right by. Or you paint 
yourself like a tree an the Germans come an drink 
beer round you an tell military sekruts. 

Well I guess its time to say Mery Xmas now 
Mable. I guess it wont be a very Mery Xmas 
withut me there, eh? Cheer up cause Im goin 
to think of you whenever I get time all day 
long. Im pretty busy nowdays. i got to watch 
the men work. It keeps a fello on the jump all 
the time. I like it though, Mable. Thats me all 
over. Isnt it? 

Dont send me nothin for Christmas, Mable. I 
bought somethin for you but Im not going to tell 
you cause its a surprize. All that I can say is 
that it cost me four eighty seven ($4.87) which is 
more than I could afford. An its worth a lot 
more. But you know how I am with money. A 
spend drift. So dont send me anything please 
although I need an electric flash light, some cig- 
arets, candy an one of them sox that you wear on 
your head. Ill spend my last sent on anyone I 




1 YOU PAINT A HORSE BLACK AND WFITF, STRTPES 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 25 

like but I dont want to be under no obligations. 
Independent. Thats me all over. 

You might read this part to your mother. I 
dont want nothin from her ether. 

Rite soon an plain Mable, cause I dont get 
much chance to study. 

Yours till the south is warm, 

Bill 
Your mothers present cost me three seventy seven 

($3.77)- 



Jolt Dame: 

Dont get that confused with Tinkers Dam, 
Mable. Tinkers Dam is tecknickle an aint even 
French. I wish you knew more about these forin 
languiges. I always herd a fello could express 
himself better in French than anything else. Thats 
because nobody can understand him an he can 
say anything he wants. 

The Christmas holidays is over. I spent mine 
doin Kitchen. police. The only thing what pealed 
for me Christmas morning was potatoes an the 
only thing what rung out was dish cloths. But I 
guess you aint familiar enough with the poets to 
get that, Mable. It shows that I can be funny an 
bright though even under adversary conditions. 
Kitchen police dont explain what I do very well. 
I dont walk a beet or carry a club or arrest nobody 
or nothin. I just — well I wish that hired girl 
of yours could come down an do Kitchen police 
for a couple of days. She wouldnt be quitten as 
regular as she does. 

We celebrated Christmas by sleepin till a quar- 
ter to seven instead of hap past six. Only they 
forgot to tell the fello what blows the horn an he 

26 




I SPENT MINE DOIN KITCHEN POLICE 




I WISH THAT HIRED GIRL COULD COME DOWN " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 27 

blew it at hap past six anyway. Imagine if any- 
body home had told me I could sleep till a quar- 
ter of seven Christmas morning. I guess you know 
what Id a told him, eh, Mable? 

Theres a fello in town what says he'll send flow- 
ers anywhere you want by telegraph. I was goin 
to send you some for Christmas morning. Then 
I figgered it was a silly idea. In the first place 
theyd get all smashed o r i the way. An then you 
cant get enough flowers in one of them little en- 
velopes to make one good smell. Nothin if not 
right. Thats me all over, Mable. 

I hac dinner in town with Max Glocoses moth- 
er. Hes a fello in our tent. Shes a nice enough 
old lady but she aint military, Mable. We was 
wal'dn down the street before c inner an salutin. 
officers so fast i* looked like we was scratchin 
our forheds. An every time we saluted she bowed. 
I didnt say nothin cause after all she was payin 
for the dinner. Later on though she says. "I 
think its fine you boys has made so many friends 
among the officers cause I think there such nice 
men." Can you beat it Mable? An when she 
went home she sent Max an officers hat cord cause 
she said she didnt think it would fade as quick as 
that old blue thing he was wearin. 

I like to forgot to thank you for the Christmas 
presents you an your mother sent. Im glad you 



28 DERE MABLE 

minded what I said about not wantin nothin al- 
though Id sent you two presents what was worth 
more than I could afford ($4.87). As I said to 
Joe Loomis who was in the tent when your pres- 
ents came, it aint what the thing cost or wether 
you could ever use it for anything. Its the thought. 
Sentiment before pleasure* Thats me all over, 
Mable. 

Thanks for the red sweter, Mable. We aint 
allowed to use them. But you dont want to feel 
bad about that cause I got lots of others an didnt 
need it anyway. An tell your mother thanks for 
the preserves an cake. I think thats what they 
w?cS. They must have packed them between a 
steam roller and a donkey engin from the looks, 
joe Locmis pick ;d out most of the glass an t? led 
some. Hed eat anything, thnt fello, Mable. 
He said it must have been pretty good when it 
started. Tell that to your mother. I know it will 
please her. 

I got so many presents from other girls an the 
like that its kind of hard to remember if you sent 
me anything else. If you did just tell me in your 
next letter and 111 thank you when I rite again. 

I hope my presents arrived all right. I guess 
you'll like em. You ought to at the price. As I 
says to the girl what sold em when she says she 
didnt have nothin cheaper "Nothins to good for 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 29 

where there goin." Isnt that tipical of me, 
Mable? 

Well, Mable, perhaps next year 111 send you a 
Dutch helmit maybe. It aint no use wishin you a 
happy New Year cause I know how itll be with 
me away an your father what he is. 

Yours regardless, 

Bill 



Mon Croquette: 

Thats not the kind with the evenin dress tooth 
pick in the top, Mable. A croquette is a French 
society woman. Study these letters of mine an 
see how I use the words. You ought to be able 
to pick up enough French to understand me talkin 
it when I come home. 

Well, Mable, New Years are behind us again. 
Once more I made a lot of revolushuns. Its no 
use sayin there wasnt nothin for me to change. 
Youre prejudiced. I can see falts where others 
cant. Underneath a plesant exterior I am made 
of sterner stuff, as the poets say. I have gave 
up frivolity with the exception of goin into town 
once in a while to take a bath. Im strong for this 
sanity stuff under any conditions. 

Im makin a study of w r ar. Im goin to tell you 
a sekrut. Im workin on a plan to end the war. I 
got thinkin, as I will, an it struck me that no one 
had gone into this at all. There all figurin how 
to go on with it but none of em how to quit it. 
Dont say nothin till I get it worked out. I guess 
you always knew youd here from me when I got 
goin, eh Mable? 

30 



B.Sl. 




A CROQUETTE IS A FRENCH SOCIETY WOMAN 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 31 

I also resolved not to put off till tomorrow 
what I can do today. (Old motto.) For instance 
if I can get out of a fatigue today whats the use 
of waitin till tomorrow. The same with sleepin 
and restin. 

I cut out cigarets to. I was gettin to be a 
feend. Got so I had to lite one whenever I got 
thinkin. I was usin up most a package a day. 
Nervous an high strung. Thats me all over, Mable. 
I smoke cigars an a pipe instead. A fello with 
an active mind has got to have somethin. You 
remember what the fello what trained the high 
school show said when he saw me act. Tempera- 
ture. Thats me. Of course its harder to borrow 
pipe tobacco and cigars but Im tryin to show the 
fellos how bad cigarets is. Pretty soon 111 be all 
O.K. again, 

I got that watch your father sent me for a New 
Years present. Tell him thanks very much an 
not to feel bad because he forgot to send me a 
Christmas present cause this wipes out the debt 
entirely. He said it was a military watch an the 
latest thing out. I guess they call it a military 
watch cause it works two hours and stops four. 
Its the latest thing round here. If I answered 
call by that watch Id be fallin in for retreat round 
taps. Its so slow it cant stop quick. 

I got the blacksmith over at headquarters com« 



32 DERE MABLE 

pany workin on it now. Hes an awful good man. 
He was a plumber in civilian life. Thats why 
they made him a blacksmith when he joined the 
army. He says hes goin to fix it sos 111 never 
be bothered with it again. 

I got asked to a dinner New Years night. I 
sat next to a Colonels wife. It was kind of em- 
barassing at first. I put her easy though. I says 
whose that funny lookin old bird sittin across the 
room with a head like an egg. Hes very chic isnt 
he? (Thats a French joke Mable.) She says 
"Thats my husband." As soon as Id stopped 
laffin I started right in an told her the history of 
every man in the company beginnin with the As. 
You know me when I get started. I didnt give 
her no chanst to get embarassed. When she start- 
ed to say somethin I just kept right on talkin just 
to show her that bein a Colonels wife she wasnt 
expected to make no effort. 

I made good, Mable. I guess you kno I would. 
After dinner I heard her ask somebody who in- 
vited me. Then she said somethin like "Hed ought 
to be known better." Never miss a chance. Thats 
me all over. It may mean promoshun or any- 
thing. It may be that shell have me sent to Fort 
Silly to learn somethin. You cant tell. 

I cant think of anything more that you would 
understand. Dont show these letters to kno one. 




I SAT NEXT TO A COLONELS WIFE 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 33 

There is to many spize around. I suppose you 
are awful lonesome without me. I dont get much 
time to be lonesome what with drillin an goin out 
somewhere. As soon as things get shook down a 
bit I hope to get more time to miss you. Hows 
your fathers liver? 

Au Riviere, 

Bill. 



Mon Ami: 

Sounds like a scourin pouder, doesnt it, Mable? 
As a matter of fact its the way a French lady 
talks to a fello shes awful fond of. 

Im not an officer any more. I was just goin 
to resine anyways. The Captins been watchin 
me rise an he didnt like it. He knew I knew more 
than him as well as me. Always askin me ques- 
tions. Id always tell him cause I knew he had a 
wife and children in Jersey City an so I was 
sorry for them. Soft. Thats me all over. But 
the other day when I was on guard he says, "Cor- 
peral, whals che General orders?" an I says, 
"Captin if you dont kno them now you never 
will and I wouldnt be doin no service to my coun- 
try if I told you." Cold but civil, Mable. You kno 
how I can be. 

The Captin just felt cheap an walked away. 
I kind of felt sorry for him. Almost told him so 
once or twice. Then I went on guard again. I 
go on guard a lot. The men. like me to be cor- 
peral of the guard because when the relief goes 
out I take all their blankets an go right to sleep in- 
stead of standin outside an watchin them freeze. 

34 




U MEN HATE TO BE WATCHED WHILE THEY ARE FREEZIN " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 35 

Men hate to be watched while they are freezin. 

But I happened to be outside for some reason, 
goin to dinner I guess, an I saw the Colonel com- 
ing. I says "Turn out the guard." (No one 
really turns em out, Mable. They come out 
themselves.) The Colonel sees who it is an waves 
an says "Never mind the guard, Corperal." So 
I thanks him an goes back to the company an 
goes to bed. 

As soon as the Captin sees that the Colonel is 
savin me up for over there he gets sore. His 
plan has been to kill me before we left here. He 
said he was goin to reduce me. Thats not the 
same way your father reduces when he cuts out 
beer with his meals an sits in a Turkish all day. 
I never said you will or you wont. Just waited 
till he got outside an thumbed my nose at him. 
High spirited. Thats me all over. 

An English officer came over the other day an 
told us all about the war. He didnt quite finish 
it cause he only had three quarters of an hour. 
They was quite a few things I didnt kno even at 
that. He said that the heavy artillery was com- 
manded by the C.C.O.D.A. an the light artillery 
by the C.O.A. An theres a special N.C.O. 
who has nothin to do but look after the 
S.A.A. Just imagine, Mable. I wish Id 
studied chemistree more when I was in school. 



36 DERE MABLE 

It would make things a lot easier for me now. 
Then he said that a man always got into his O.O. 
to observe the action of the 75s. These English 
are always great for dress an that formal stuff. 

Im glad there tellin us this before we go over. 
It would have been awful embarassing to have 
tried to observe the action of the 75s in my 
B.V.Ds. I asked him if they had any trouble with 
the B.P.O.Es. When he left he said "Cheero." 
Without winkin a hair I says "Beevo." Same old 
Bill, eh Mable? 

They said the other day that my name was on 
a list to go to school an learn all about liason. 
I said there Wasnt much use in there doin that 
cause I was pretty well up on that stuff. At home, 
I says, I had a reputashun for a devil with the 
wimen. Nobody knows better than you, eh 
Mable? I guess thats a little over your head 
though, Mable. I try to be as simple as I can, 
If Im not just tell me. 

Im ritin this letter with my shoes off. I hope 
youll excuse my bein so informal but Im havin the 
old trouble with my feet. They never been right 
since that winter I taught you to dance. I went 
to the doctor with them an he said to keep offen 
them as much as I could. So they put me to work 
scrubbin the mess shack on my hans and nees. 
I bet if a fello had both legs shot off theyd prop 




" I HAD A REPUTASHUN FOR A DEVIL WITH THE WIMEN " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 37 

you up against the wall an put you peelin onions. 

I got to quit now. They got a thing called re- 
treat they have every night. I always like to be 
there just to show the Captin Im behind him re- 
gardless. 

Im sendin you my pictur in a uniform pointin 
to an American flag. Its kind of simbolical the 
man said, if yov know what that is. I thought 
youd like to put it on the mantle in a conspikuous 
place sos to have somethin to be proud of when 
your girl friend comes in to talk. Id ask you for 
your pictur only I havnt got much room for that 
kind of thing down here. 

yours exclusively 

Bill 



Dere Mable: 

Everyone round here is goin to school now so 
they can be speshulists. Not the kind your mother 
goes to, Mable. A speshulist oniy does one thing. 
I been doin everything round here ever since I 
came. I was gettin sick of it. I went to the top 
sargent an says I guessed Id be a speshulist to. 
He said all right hed make me a food speshulist. 
Said Id have to go into it pretty deep. I been 
into it up to my elbows in the kitchen ever since. 
Never trust sargents. Least of all top sargents. 
If it keeps on like this there wont be nobody to do 
the actual fightin but me, Mable. Its too much 
responsibilety for one man. Suppose I was to get 
sick or somethin. 

An then a bunch of fellos went away to lern to 
be officers. That kind of struck my fancy it bein 
about the only thing I hadnt done round here. 
I went to the Captin an told him I thought Id go 
to. He said I could go to, and then he added 
somethin. 

He said a company was built up somethin like 
a man. There was the brain, which was the offi- 
cers, an then some was the muscle an some was 

38 




IT SEEMED TO DEPRES THEM AWFUL J 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 39 

the bone. He said I seemed to be pretty well fit- 
ted for my part by nature so he wouldnt change 
me. Ive always been strong ever since I was a kid, 
Mable. 

Ive rote a pome. I sent it to the Divisun pa- 
per. They wouldnt print it cause they said it was 
so real that it might depres the men. I guess they 
was right cause I read it to the fellos in the tent an 
it seemed to depres them awful. Im ritin it to 
you. Its about the war. Youll probably notice 
that yourself if you read it careful. Here it is. 



Here the thunder of the guns 
Smashin down the German Huns 
An the sticky pools of gory blood 
Soakin up the oozie sod 
The rushin, roarin, shreekin boom 
Of bullets crashin thru the gloom 

II 

Listen to those grate bums bust 
On the quiverin Hunnish crust 
Listen to the shreekin, moanin 
Swearin, yellin, gruntin, groanin 
That comes to us across the trenches 
All mixed up with grusome stenches 



40 DERE MABLE 

in 

Biff, an from there hellish lare 

The shreeks of Germans rent the air. 

Bloody lims lie on the ground. 

Bits of Huns go flyin round. 

Bang! And through the cannons roar 

Is plainly herd the splashin gore. 

IV 

But this cannot go on for long, 
Cause Uncle Sam is comin strong. 
An when we charge the German line 
We'll chuck the dam thing in the Rine. 
An blood an slauter, rape an gore 
In Bel Le France will rain no more. 

Aint that terrible, Mable ? I read it to one f ello 
an he said it made him absolutely sick. He said 
he didn't see how 1 could rite it without gettin 
sick myself. Just between me an you Mable I 
did come pretty near being once or twice when I 
was ritin it. 

Most of all thats confidential but I dont care if 
you read it to some of your friends just to give em 
a good idea of what war is. Some of the things 
aint very nice of course. If your ritin big stuff 




IF I CATCH ONE OF THOSE AHJN ENEMIES WTNDIN UP YOUR V1CTROLA 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 41 

though you got to put in everything that comes into 
your head or else you lose the punch. I think the 
ends the best. A lot of fellos has said that. We 
ought to have more of that. It gets the slackers. 

The Rine is a German river where they make 
wine near Berlin, Mable. 

You keep menshuning a fello named Broggins 
in your letters. Now I aint got a spark of jelusy 
in my nature. Big. Thats me all over, Mable. 
But I warn you frankly. If I ever catch one of 
those ailin enemies windin up your victrola 111 kick 
him out of the house. Thats only fair. It isn't 
that I care a snap. Theres plenty of girls waitin 
for me. Its just the principul of the thing. 

Dont think for a minit that I care. I just 
menshun it cause I couldnt think of nothin else 
to say. 

Yours till you here otherwise, 

Bill. 



Pom de mon oie: 

You say that like oie yoy in Yiddish. It means 
apple of my eye. I never saw an apple in no- 
bodys eye, Mable, but I guess thats some French 
custom. 

Great news, Mable. A fello whats got a friend 
in the audience department in Washington just 
told me the wars goin to end about the 15th of 
Feb. Dont say nothin to nobody about it. It 
might look as if I was gettin mixed up in politiks. 
I put in for a furlo on the 5th tho. Then I wont 
have to come back, eh Mable? Ill bet your glad. 
Its great to think of gettin into a place where you 
cant see through the walls and there aint three 
inches of mud on the floor. An think of not havin 
to tie the doors together when you come in or 
crawl underneath em on your hans and nees and 
not havin to put everything you own in the world 
under the bed. But I guess you dont care as much 
about these things as I will. 

This would be a good trainin camp for artik 
explorers. I bet the fello that picks out the camps 
ether owns a cold storage plant in civil life or else 
they do it by mail order. It got so cold the other 

42 




^zm T T\ 



" STUCK MY HEAD OUT OF THE BLANKETS ' 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 43 

night the silver in the thermometer disappeared, 
It aint been seen since. 

We got a comical guy in the tent. Bill Hug- 
gins. Me an hims a pair. Keep everybody laffin 
all the time. Bill likes things hot about as well as 
me. Every nite he fills the Sibly stove so full of 
wood that he has to hammer the last piece in. 
It gets so hot that it jumps up and down like a 
mad monkey. Thats the way Siblys do when they 
get awful hot. Were not bothered by that much 
though. 

We got another guy thats a fresh air feend. 
His name is Angus MacKenzie. Hes Scotch. Hes 
so close himself that he has to have lots of air 
or hed smother. Every nite he pulls up the side 
of the tent by his bed. No one likes fresh air in 
its place better than me, Mable, but when its as 
fresh as this air is its place is outside. 

I wake up in the nite rolled into a ball like a 
porkypine. Theys things in the middle of my 
back like his stickers. If I dont move I get cramps. 
If I do, I freeze. All around the place where 
Im lyin is as warm as a park bench in winter. 
Sometimes I forget and push my feet down. That's 
awful. 

One night I thought I heard the horn and stuck 
my head out of the blankets. It was Angus with 
his head and one arm outside snorin. Can you 



44 DERE MABLE 

beat that. I bet he swims in the ice all winter 
home and has his pictur in the Sunday paper. I 
froze my ear before I could get my head back. 
Thats the kind of a fello he is. 

Its awful cold in the mornin. They blow three 
calls. The first is just for the slow guys. I can 
make it nice from the march if I dont take too 
many close off. Thats no temtashun. One guy 
jumps up just before assembly and makes a lot of 
fuss like hes gettin dressed. He dont fool no- 
body. The only thing he takes off at nite is his 
hat. Some says that falls off when he gets into 
bed. 

Angus gets up every mornin in his BVDs. I 
think his skin is furlined. You can hear him 
smashin the ice in the pale with a hair brush out- 
side. Then you can tell hes washin by the noise 
he makes like a busted steam pipe. Then he 
comes smashin into the tent leavin the door open 
and wipes the ice offen his face with somebody elses 
towel an says gosh thats great. I hate that kind of 
a fello. 

Bill Huggins cleaned the stove with his towel 
last week sos everything would be neet for in- 
specshun. Angus got hold of it in the dark next 
mornin. Gee, youd haft laft, Mable. 

I got the little tin mirror you sent, Mable. 
Its unbreakable all right. Bill Huggins got so 




? WHEN I LOOKED IN THE TIN MIRROR I THOUGHT I WAS STARVES " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 45 

mad at it he tried to break it and couldnt. The 
first time I looked in it I got an awful start. I 
thought I was starvin. I looked like one of them 
picturs of hungry Indiens that the mishunaries 
show you just before they pass the plate. Bill 
Huggins swiped it later and says why didnt some- 
body tell him he was gettin so fat cause he couldnt 
go home on a furlo like that. He didnt eat nothin 
for three meals and then he looked at hisself 
with the mirror turned the other way. Its like 
one of those Coney Island places where a fello 
can go in and laff at hisself for a dime. Next 
time send me one that will break. 

I got to quit now and buy a couple of pies be- 
fore I go to bed. I dont sleep good less I have 
a little somethin on my stummick. Dont say noth- 
in about what I told you in the beginnin. 

Until the 15th Feb. then. 

Yours faithfully, 

Bill. 



Dere Mable: 

The Captin aint goin to give me my furlo. Says 
theres an order out against it. Someones got it 
in for me, Mable. I bought a wooley coat awful 
cheap from Bill Huggins. Right away theres an 
order against em. Angus MacKenzie sold me a 
pair of leather leggins for less than he paid for 
them. Some bargain from Angus. The next day 
they issue an order that you cant wear em. Now 
they hear I w r ant to go home an put an order out 
against it. If theyd only come right out an say 
Bill Smith were goin to get you. Sneaky. Thats 
what I call it, Mable. 

Ive half a mind to transfer back to the artillery. 
If I transfer much more theyll be chargin me extra 
fare, eh Mable? Only for me an the Captin not 
bein able to agree Id never have left. I under- 
stand hes been awful sorry since. All you have 
to do in artillery is to put a bullet in the gun. It 
does the rest. In the infantry you got to go up 
and do all the dirty work yourself. 

Besides Im gettin leery of these infantry fellos. 
There always talking about what were goin to do 
to the Germans, blowin em to pieces and slicin em 

4 6 




THEY C©ME ROUND AND WATCH YOU EAT IT 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 47 

up an throwin em all around the lot. I got thinkin 
what if the Germans was learnin there men to 
do the same thing. They never seem to figger on 
these things. 

An these baynuts, Mable. They aint safe. 
When you get a lot of f ellos in a trench with there 
baynuts stickin every which way some ones goin 
to get hurt sure. 

I got those cigars ycur father sent me. Thank 
him an tell him if he ever gets takin like that 
again not to send such a large box but — well you 
explain it to him Mable. You can do that sort 
of thing much better than I can. Outspoken. 
Thats me all over, Mable. 

Why is it that no matter how fussy a fello was 
when he wore a vest as soon as he begins to call 
a coat a blouze no one thinks he knows whats 
what. If you got any old magazenes what was 
old before the war started send em to the sol- 
diers. They wont know the difference. Some 
wimen sent our regiment the Baptist Review for 
three years back. That aint right, Mable. They 
give you candy that comes by the bale. Then they 
come round an watch you eat it. I bet if you 
walked into there place an watched them eat theyd 
raise an awful holler. They make speeches to 
you that youd get your money back without askin 



48 DERE MABLE 

up north. They give you free movies thats so old 
they look as if they was taken in the rain. 

It seems like f eedin the hippo at the zoo, Mable. 
It dont matter so much as long as theres lots of it. 

Im goin into town tonite with a bunch to eat a 
swell dinner on a china plate. All but Angus Mac- 
Kenzie. He eats all his dinners on me. Im aw- 
ful sick of eatin out of a tin fryin pan. When 
you put food in it it folds up like a jacknife goin 
the wrong way. It takes months to make a good 
mess kit eater. 

We get our mess from some fellos what stands 
behind a counter. One of them divides the coffee. 
He does it by puttin half in your cup an half on 
your thumb. The other fellos has big spoons. 
I guess they are old Lacross players. A big wad 
of food hits your plate splash an knocks it squee 
gee. The other fello hits the other plate an knocks 
it the other way. When you get it all its runnin 
out of one dish up your sleeve an out of the other 
back into the food pans. 

Army food always runs. Cooks love loose 
grub. There awful stupid. If theres anything 
solid you get it in the pan with the rim on it. Then 
they pour the soup on your cover. 

When you sit down half what you got left spills 
out on the table. It isnt so bad now cause every- 
thing freezes about as soon as it hits. 




" ARMY FOOD ALWAYS RUNS " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 49 

You ought to see us eat breakfast, Mable. We 
got so many overcoats and things on that a fello 
dont get no elbow action. Some fello s eats with 
there wool gloves. That aint a good scheme 
though. It makes things taste like eatin peaches 
with there skins on. 

The fello that invented our eatin tables must 
have been a supply sargent once. All the seats 
is nailed to the table. When you get a spoonful 
of loose food up some fello puts his foot in your 
lap and leaves a couple of pounds of mud there. 
I just brush it off tho on the next fello. Never 
complain. Thats me all over. 

Well Mable I got to shine my shoes now and 
go and eat often china plates with a nigger waiter. 
I dont eat with a nigger waiter, Mable. Its awful 
hard to explain things to you sometimes. So now 
I will close 

Hoping you are the same 

Bill 



Dere Mable: 

I been thinkin of you a lot durin the last weak, 
Mable, havin nothin else to do. I been in the 
hospital with the Bronxitis. I guess I caught it 
from Joe Loomis. He comes from there. Id 
have rote you in bed but I dropped my fountin 
pen on the floor an bent it. Im all right now. 

I got some news for you, Mable. The cook 
says we only drew ten days supply of food last 
time. He says he guesses when we et that up 
well go to France. Hes an awful smart fello the 
cook. Hes got a bet on that if the allys dont buck 
up an win the Germans is comin out ahead. Max 
Glucos, a fello in the tent, is refere. Were all 
eatin as fast as we can. Perhaps we can eat it all 
in less than ten days. So maybe well be gone, 
Mable, before I rite you from here again. 

Theres a French sargent comes round once in 
a while an says the war is goin to be over quick. 
He ought to know cause hes been over there an 
seen the whole thing. He smokes cigarets some- 
thing awful an dont say much. Thats because the 
poor cus cant talk much English. It must be awful 
not to talk English. Think of not bein able to 

50 




' HE SMOKES CIGARETS SOMETHING AWFUL 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 51 

say nothin all your life without wavin your arms 
round an then lookin it up in a dickshunary. 

I feel so sorry for these fellos that Im studiin 
French a lot harder sos theyll have someone to 
talk to when we get over there. Im readin a book 
now thats rote all in French. No English in it 
anywhere, Mable. A fello told me that was the 
only way to talk it good. I dont understand it 
very well so far. The only way I kno its French 
is by the picturs. Some day Im goin to find out 
what the name is. Then Im goin to get the Eng- 
lish of it. Those are some picturs. Aint I fierce, 
Mable? I guess thats why I get on with wimen 
so well. 

I gave up readin it out loud cause the fellos 
said it made em think they was in Paris so much 
they got restles. I cant speak no better yet. I 
guess that comes all at once at the end of the 
book. 

As soon as we got the hot shouers all fixed the 
pipes busted. So the other day the Captin walked 
us all in town to take a bath. I didnt need one 
much. I used my head more than most of em. 
Last fall when it was warm I took as many as two 
a week an got away ahead of the game. I went 
along though. More for the walk than anything. 

I saw the Captin didnt make no move to take 
a bath hisself. I thought he might be shy. He 



52 DERE MABLE 

dont mix very well with the fellos. I felt sorry 
for him. Everyone else was laffin an throwin 
things with him standin off an noone throwin a 
thing at him. I went up an says "Aint you goin to 
take a bath this winter to, Captin?" Just jolly, 
Mable, that all. I says, "You dont want to mind 
the bunch. They dont care a bit. There as dirty 
as you are anyway. Probably more." An I bet 
they were Mable cause I aint seen the Captin do 
a stroke of work since we come here. Just stands 
round givin orders. 

I says, "If noone wont lend you a towel you can 
use mine. I was just goin to have it washed any- 
way." He got awful, red and embarassed Mable. 
I thought he was goin to choke. Hes awful queer. 

Just like the other mornin he calls me over an 
says, "Smith, my orderlies sick. You can shine 
my boots this mornin." He said it like Id been 
beggin him to for a month. An then he says, 
"Smith you can lite the fire in my stove." He had 
me thinkin he was doin me favors. He said I 
might put some oil on his boots if I wished. I 
says that would be a great treat an I wished he 
wouldnt be so kind or the fellos would think he 
was playin favorites. I guess he didnt here me 
Mable cause hed just gone out. I said it any- 
way. I didnt care if he wasnt there. Spunky. 
Thats me all over. 




" I POURED SOME OIL OUT OF HIS LAMP " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 53 

I couldnt find no oil for his boots anywhere, 
Mable, so I poured some out of his lamp. An 
then I dont think that suited him. Queer f ello the 
Captin. 

I keep herein more about this fello Broggins. 
I suppose he belongs to the Home Guards an 
wares his uniform round in the evenin. An I sup- 
pose he has an American flag on his ritin paper. 
It dont mean nothin in my life. I aint goin to 
put up no arguments or get nasty like most fellos 
would. Dignity. Thats me all over, Mable. Let 
me tell you though if I ever come home and find 
him shinin his elbos on the top of your baby grand 
111 kick him down the front steps if I only have 
one leg to do it with. 

Im ritin this in the Y.M.C.A. in the afternoon 
cause Im goin on guard tonite. I dont see why 
they dont make it a permenant detail and be done 
with it. Someone said the top sargents a man 
of one idea. I guess Im the idea. I didnt go out 
to drill this afternoon. I didnt say nothin to the 
sargent though cause sargents have an idea that 
if they dont get a lot of fellos to go out to drill 
with them they dont look popular. I got to go 
now sos to get in my tent before they come from 
drill. As ever 

on guard, 

Bill 



Dere Mable: 

I would have rote sooner but I had such a cold 
I couldnt say nothin for most a weak. 

Well Mable, we et all the food like the cook 
said but we aint in France yet. I guess he aint 
got as many brains as he said he had. Everyone 
is sore at him cause we didnt kick at none of his 
food for more than a weak thinkin that when wed 
et it all wed go away. He thinks its funny an 
says "Do youse guys think this war is a Cooks 
tour?" I hate fellos what tries to get out of things 
by bein smart. 

Everythings covered with mud includin me. I 
seem to attract mud like I was a maggot, Mable. 
Yesterday I spent all the afternoon shinin up for 
guard sos to be the Colonels orderly. Then I 
step out of the tent and flui. The sargent says, 
"Smith dont you know enuff not to go on guard 
lookin like that?" 

I even got mud in my hair. Max Glucos says 
when he combs his its like rakin out a garden. 
From what I seen of him though I dont see how 
he found out. 

Its pourin rain an awful cold. Its so cold that 

54 




" I EVEN GOT MUD IN MY HAIR 




5 THE WATER COMES THROUGH ON ME 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 55 

the tooth past rolls right often your brush in the 
morning. The Captin has a cold in his nose. 
He says he wont take the men out in such bad 
wether as today. Taint nothin gainst him Mable 
but I hope he has a cold all winter. 

Theres a hole in the tent over my cot where 
the water comes through on me. I put a slicker 
over me last nite. The water made puddles in 
it. Then when I turned over they spilt out into my 
shoes. This had me guessin Mable till finally I 
put Max Glucoses shoes there instead of mine. 
Angus MacKenzie had so many holes over his cot 
that it looked like one of those safety fire sprink- 
lers. He got up last nite and rigged his shelter 
half sos the water hit it an run down onto the next 
cot. Hes a brite fello, Angus, even if he is a 
forener. 

The other day he had some medecine for a 
cold. It says on the bottle that it was 17 per 
cent alcohol. He drank the whole thing right 
down sos nobody couldnt get hold of it. It made 
him awful sick but he says thats because he isnt 
used to it for such «. long time. Me an hims 
goin down next week to put in a stock of tonics. 

Its awful hard to rite letters, Mable. Some- 
bodys always fallin over your feet or draggin 
something wet over the paper if youve got a cot 
near the door like mine is. An when you get 



56 DERE MABLE 

goin finally at about the fourth try some sargcnt 
always comes in with a list and makes you check 
up something. 

Sometimes I go over to the Y.M.C.A., Mablc. 
But as soon as you get ritin a bald headed fello 
jumps up an says "Now fellos well all sing." All 
the fellos whats ritin looks up an says "Aw one 
thing and another." I dont know who the bald 
headed fello is. They got one in every Y.M.C.A. 
They all look about alike. I guess there a regular 
issue. Theys always a bunch of fellos what dont 
seem to kno why they came. They all start sing- 
in. Then I cant rite no more or do nothin. So 
I come home an go to bed. Independent. Thats 
me all over, Mable. 

Most of the taxis is swalowed up in the mud. 
Theys only two or three runnin now. Only the 
big strong fellos can get to town. The cook says 
its the old theory of the arrival of the fittest. But 
I guess you dont know nothin about cience, Mablc. 
When I go to town I wrap my blouze in a news- 
paper. If they know your goin they give you a 
list of things to get that looks like a Chinese 
Message to Congress. By the time you go to 
come home you got so many bundles you look like 
one of those fellos in the Funny Papers. Every- 
one stands in the square lookin like a hat rack 
waitin for the three taxis to come along. When 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 57 

they see one they rush it like they do in the movies 
when the milunares cars runs over the poor fellos 
kid. If goin over the top is any worse than get- 
tin under the top of one of them things with fifty 
bundles an as many fellos then Sherman didnt 
know many swear words, eh Mable? But thats 
history. I guess you wouldnt understand. 

An then when you get home without a bath or 
a hair cut or the movies or nothin, an you forgot 
to get that shavin soap for yourself an spent all 
your money they say "Thanks Bill. Put it over 
there. Can you change a ten dollar bill?" There 
ought to be a law against makin money in such 
big numbers. 

Im glad you taken up singin lessons again. 
You ought to take a lot of em. I got a favor to 
ask. I dont do that offen. Proud. Thats me 
all over. But if that fello Broggins keeps buttin 
round sing for him Mable. It aint askin much 
with me down here defendin you. Although I 
dont see why I had to come down here to do it. 

Yours internally, 
Bill. 



D ere M able: 

This is the last time I will ever take my pen in 
hand for you. All is over among us. 

I felt it comin for some time Mable. Today 
among some letters that I got from girls was one 
from a girl what knos you well. She told me 
all about this fello Broggins. She says you take 
him around with you everywhere. Thats the kind 
of a fello I thought he was, Mable, but Im sur- 
prized at you. She says your awful fond of him 
hes so cute. I aint cute an aint never pretended 
to be. A mans man. Thats me all over, Mable. 
She says she went up to your house the other night 
an he was sittin in your lap stickin his tongue out 
at my pictur on the mantlepiece. After that, 
Mable, theres nothin to say. So I repeat, its all 
over among us. 

Im returnin today by parcels post the red sweter 
an the gloves that has no fingers an the sox that 
you wear over your head an your pictur. Most 
of the stuff aint been used much. The pictur has 
isome mud on it cause I had to keep it in the bot- 
tom of my barrak bag an my shoes came next. 
The sox I cant send back cause I sold em to Joe 
Glucos an you wouldnt want em now. 

58 




c THE LAST TIME I WILL TAKE MY PEN IN HAND FOR YOU 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 59 

The stuff that you sent me to eat I havnt kept. 
I guess you wouldnt want that anyway Mable. The 
stuff that your mother sent me Im going to keep. 
She wasnt my girl an she didnt have to send all 
that stuff if she didnt want to. 

As for all the things I have give you, Mable, 
keep em. I dont want em no more. I aint even 
goin to menshun all the money Ive spent on you 
for movies an sodas an the Lord knows what not. 
I aint the kind of a fello to throw that up to a 
fello or even menshun it in no ways. I kept track 
of it though in a little book. It comes to $28.27 
and some odd sense. 

An I aint agoin to hold it up against you that I 
been savin in the bank for most two years sos to 
have a little somethin towards that house with 
the green blinds. An that I got somethin like 
$87.22 in the bank if you can believe what that 
eagle beak in the cage rites in your book. All 
wasted you might say, when you think of the fun 
I might have had with it in the last two years. 
Those things we'll just forget. You seem to have 
already. 

An that seasons pass I got for you for the Hap- 
pyhour sos you could keep in touch with things 
while I was away. Keep that and take Broggins. 
Otherwise I got a hunch you aint goin to the 
movies as much as you used to. 



60 DERE MABLE 

I guess this will hit your father an mother pret- 
ty hard. They got nobody to blame but your- 
self. On the other hand its goin to please some 
girls that I know. So its a poor wind that dont 
blow nobody round as the poets say. I guess you 
wont here much about the poets any more, Mable. 
About all youll here is Broggins. I hate a man 
what talks about himself. 

I suppose he has joined the Home defence. Are 
you goin to have a military weddin, Mable? 

Im kind of sorry for your father. If you have 
his liver on your hands dont blame me. You know 
the doctor said any kind of a shock would set him 
off a mile. 

An now, Mable, Im closin for the last time. It 
wont be no use runin to the door when you here 
the postman no more cause he wont have nothin 
but the gas bill. From now on the only way youll 
here from me is in the papers perhaps when we 
get over there. 

Now Im going to ask you a favor, Mable, for 
old times sake. Take the pictur I had taken 
pointin to the American flag an burn it up. You 
cant have that to show your friends no more an 
I aint goin to have no flat foot makin faces at it. 
I may be selfish, Mable, but a girl cant make a 
cake an eat it too as the old sayin is. 

Give my best to your father an mother. Tell 




" IT WONT BE NO USE RUNIN TO THE DOOR " 



LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE 61 

em I simpathize with them in there loss. Its no 
use ritin any more cause Im firm as the rock of 
Gibber Alter. Concrete. Thats me all over, 
Mable. 

as ever 

yours no longer 

Bill 



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RECEIVED AT Philopotts, I. T. 

Miss Mable Gimp 
106 Main Street 

Philopolis, N # Y* 



Dere Mable: How was I to know 
Broggins was a dog. You can send 
back all your stuff and make me some 
more if you want to # This telegram 
is costing ©e nine cents a word so I 
cant say no more now. Thrifty. 
Thats me all over, Mable. 

Bill. 



Announcement 

Thats Me All Over, Mable 

will be the title of the new book 
written by Lieut. Streeter and 
illustrated by Corporal "BUI" 
Breck, the author and illustrator of 

Dere Mable 

The millions who have laughed 
over Bill's letters to Mable will 
enjoy the same delightful humor 
in these letters. 

Publication Date 

January 15th, 1919 
y 

Price Net 75 Cents 

A 

Uniform with Dere Mable 



LBAp'21 



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